Seriously???

So for those that didn't know, a couple months ago I got my heart shattered into a gajillion pieces. Before I met "B" I kinda considered myself a Grinch when it comes to love. I wouldn't allow myself to get attached because I always said I was cold and heartless. Then, he wiggled his way into my life and next thing I knew there was a beating heart in that once empty cave. But long story short, not exactly the man I thought he was. After my brief mourning period, sad songs, dark rooms, and the occasional Legally Blonde re-enactment when she's watching soaps, eating chocolates, then throws the box of chocolates at the TV and screams "Liar!".. (I always loved that part, haha).. I have now bounced back, and am stronger than ever. Meeting a hot boy like this doesn't hurt either. Hi Duke... Call me! :) 

But there's always that moment when you run into the ex. I always imagined it as B walking into a room and sees me standing there looking extremely gorgeous and carefree (possibly a fan blowing my hair in the distance) and Duke on bended knee professing his undying love.. ideally, in a speedo or something that shows off a perfectly toned physique. And I just want to clarify that I don't particularly enjoy speedos. But desperate times call for desperate measures. :)  But in a real world, the encounters never happen that way. 

I ran into B this weekend. I was with some girlfriends at the place he worked. I knew I could just ignore him. Pretend he wasn't there. Then my friend tells me that before I got to the restaurant, they were all talking and when someone mentioned I'd be there that night, B's face lit up. And she told me that anytime someone mentions my name his face lights up. So in my mind I'm thinking this.. he still loves me. The reason he hasn't called me in over a month to apologize and say how he's the scum of the earth and messed up, is because he's been writing the perfect speech. So it was inevitable. There I was face to face with the man who I completely despise, yet am still completely in love with. Funny how that works. I say nothing. The ball is in his court, I've said my words and now its time for his. So he leans over to whisper his apology into my ear and here's what he said..

"I'm like two minutes away from having a six-pack..."

Seriously?? Seriously! For a little background, B is a total health nut. Obsessed with getting six pack abs. We once had a bet that if I drank one of his veggie shakes that he drinks like twice daily, he'd have to go sing kareoke with  me. Probably one of the worst experiences of my life.. 64 oz of blended vegetables in one sitting is not pretty. I did it though.. which reminds me he still hasn't held up his end of the bargain. Standard. 

So you can imagine my surprise that this was the moment I had been imagining... My first reaction was just staring at him in disbelief. Then, I had the urge to yell at him, "If I could kill someone with my mind, it would be you." But all I pretty much did was roll my eyes and walk away. All my married friends, please go kiss your husbands right now. You have no idea how happy you are that you are not single and dealing with socially retarded men such as these. I tried to think of some deeply profound and mature response.. but then remembered what I was dealing with. My response back to him was:

"Six pack. Shmix pack."

Oh, how great the single life is. I'm officially back in 6th grade. Where's my chalupa?