I'm a big kid now...

So, I think there are two kinds of people in this world. Those who hate doctors and only go visit them when they are on their death bed. And those that just realize its a fact of life, and suck it up and go. I am the death bed type. I've never even had a bad experience with them.. well, that I can remember at least. But then again, when I was a kid I did crack my head open twice in one week and also got a pencil stuck in my eye. Sorry, Mom. I now know that pencils go on paper, and foreheads don't belong on toilet seats. But those events happened so long ago, I have absolutely no recollection. I always figured I hated doctors because doctors give shots, and I hate needles. Then I became a woman, and I have remembered the real reason why... all you ladies should relate, and I doubt any guys are reading this. I apologize in advance if you are. 

About a month ago, I got some results back from my doctor that there were some cells of "undetermined significance". I always thought that was my problem in life.. undetermined significance. But I guess it was on a deeper level. Anyways, my Mom had cervical cancer when she was my age, and ended up having a hysterectomy a couple years later so she freaked out. Which in turn, freaked me out. I was trying to stay positive. But due to the fact my Mom has worked in the medical field for over 20 years, she had diagnosed me completely. But she wanted me to go see her doctor, cause he was a specialist in cancer. The only catch is he only sees patients with/or recovering from Cancer. So I'm hoping he doesn't want to see me cause that means I'm A-Ok. And then I got a call confirming an appointment. Crap. Next thing I know I'm hearing how I should freeze my eggs cause my cervix isn't going to be strong enough to hold a child. I'm totally imagining an episode of my future cooking show.. I go into the freezer to get some peas and almost grab my frozen eggs instead, and say, "Oops, don't wanna use those little guys. They're for when I wanna make 'cutie pies' not 'pot pies'.. completely different recipe!" My Mom has me totally freaked out, but I try to remain calm. The Secret is in full effect. Power of positive thinking, yet I'm also thinking I need to start checking things off my "Bucket List".. First thing, of course, to finish watching Bucket List. I have tried three times.

So the day of my appointment I'm pretty calm. I don't really know what to expect, so I don't know what to be nervous about. I just didn't want any blood to be taken. Hate those things. There's just gotta be an easier way to get that stuff. But then its time to go back. Luckily I had my Mom with me to ask and answer all the right questions. They do all the basics... check my blood pressure, pulse, weight and height (By the way, I'm shrinking! I used to be 5'3"..now I'm  5' 1 1/2".. I don't need to get married cause my clock is ticking, I need to get married before I become a little person! No hard feelings to all the mini's out there..) and then this young guy walks in the room. I was a little taken back because I was under the impression my doctor was older. And then he mentioned he was an intern and would be just asking me a couple questions. I was relieved. So far, so good. This appointment is a breeze. Next thing I know I'm in "the position", where I'm pretty sure I feel like I'm dialated to a 10 and ready to push. Baby's head is crowning.. and I'm in a room with like way too many people in it. Literally, everyone and my mother. 

I'm so incredibly uncomfortable that the only thing I can think of is to tell jokes. I start with, "So, Mom... how are yooouuuu?" "You always said you wanted me under a spotlight.. guess you didn't mean one like this.." I'm fighting the urge to whistle the "Jeapordy" think music.. or asking my Mom to hand me my crossword puzzle to finish. Then the doctor says, "Everything looks great! Nothing to worry about.." so I'm totally relieved. Then I hear the scariest six words of my life. He looks at the intern and says, "Do you wanna have a look?" Seriously?! I mean, I know what an intern is, I watch Grey's Anatomy. But, seriously! His response, "Oh yes, of course!" I wanted to ask them if any other people would like to "take a look" while I'm here.. maybe my mom, any other interns, nurses, complete strangers, and of course, their mothers. But I kept my mouth closed. I was mortified. In case there is any confusion, this exact moment is the reason I avoid the doctor's office. 

But afterwards my Mom praised me on how composed I was. Had I known I had the option to freak out, I would have. But I didn't get that memo when I signed in. Maybe next time. All I know is I'm pretty sure this is the moment where I became a grown-up. As I was getting dressed, I was singing the song from the Pull-ups commercial...

"Mommy, Wow! I'm a big kid now, bum bum!! 

Hats off to all my friends with babies, I'm sure this sounds like a cake walk compared to what you've all been through... can't wait. :)