Testing our sea legs...

The calm before the storm...

So, it's day 3 in Costa Rica. We had an excursion to Tortuga Island included in the price of the trip, so we woke up that morning excited to snorkel and see some cool sites. But the weather had other plans for us. I've pretty much grown accustomed to having bad weather while on vacation. So now its no longer bad weather, its just normal. So I wasn't surprised to hear that we would be heading on some pretty choppy waters due to the storm.

   Could our sunglasses be any bigger?

I am a river rat at heart and used to being on boats, but Wendy had never been on a boat in her life. She was super anxious and also a bit hung over, never a good combination when boarding a boat. So its a good thing I got a picture of her before the waters got too rough. I must give a huge shout out to Wen for surviving that boat ride.  I had a blast flying through the choppy waters. The spray from the waves had me soaked but I could care less. The driver of the boat kept telling Wendy "5 more minutes" when really we still had a ways to go. I felt so bad for her. 

  Lovin' life...

     ... Love her!

Once we arrived at Tortuga, Wendy was the first one off the boat. We all kinda wandered around, checking out the place before the first group set off to snorkel. I was so shocked when I heard Wendy say she wanted to get back on the boat to go snorkel. But I think she had finally realized that boats really aren't so bad. I was so excited she was coming along. The 3 Amigas weren't complete without all three of us. :) I wish I could show you amazing pictures of the snorkeling. But unfortunately, due to the storm, the water visibility was horrible. In fact, it was so bad that you couldn't even see your hand in front of your face, or in my case, the huge rock I was about to slam into. I ended up cutting my leg open, but didn't realize until I got back on the boat and looked down to find a bloody leg. Thankfully, there were no hungry sharks swimming around that part of the ocean. I guess my luck isn't so bad after all. Me and the girls took pics with our underwater cameras, but those pics haven't been developed yet. And who knows if anything will show up anyway. Fingers crossed that they turned out!

We headed back to the island feeling a little deflated that the snorkeling was a waste. But once we got back, Wendy found a wild boar and became friends with it. Its so funny how much she loves all creatures. And they just love her. Any normal person might be a little apprehensive being in a strange place and seeing a boar walking towards you... but not Wendy. Gotta love her for that! 

I was completely in awe with the sand, or lack there of, on the island. The whole shore was covered with these beautiful little rocks. And I loved how they looked like little poppy seeds on my feet. I was in my own little world collecting rocks and shells.. until I was told it was illegal to take the rocks back to the States. I'd like to say that I put the rocks back where they belonged.. but then I'd be lying. Oops, my bad. :) 

     Poppy Seed Piggies

The highlight of this day was, hands down, the ride home. The storm had gotten a lot worse and the water was incredibly choppy. Wendy had now decided that she, in fact, loved boats and had her hands up in the air enjoying the ride. The rest of us on the boat were a little terrified though. We almost cap-sized by huge waves like twice, but Wendy was oblivious, and shouted "Again!" after each time. We all couldn't stop laughing. 

And then we saw the whales. I was so freakin' excited! All of a sudden we had this private show. A mommy and her baby just swimming along, right around our boat. Maybe we didn't see any cool fish while snorkeling, but I'd trade whales for fish any day. It was soooo awesome and I wish I had pictures to prove it. But I was too in the moment to capture any pictures. You always hear about people going on whale watching tours and not seeing any, and here we were getting a free show. Right place, right time. I love it when that happens. :) 

After watching the whales, we got back to our ride home. The boat needed to be balanced, so the driver, Douglas, told me I had to sit in the back with him. Me and Miss thought it was funny cause he was kinda flirting with me all day, and I was the smallest of the whole group. How much was I really affecting the weight.. but I'm so glad I switched seats. Seriously, I have never laughed so hard in my whole life! The water was so choppy that there were these constant waves toppling over me. Here I was, flying through the water, balancing on some little seat with nothing to hold onto.. at any moment I could be bumped overboard. And the whole time being drenched by huge waves. It was so freakin' fun! I wish I could explain it better.. Missy joined in on the fun, and I'm so glad, cause she was able to experience what I was enjoying oh so very much. I think the closest thing I can get to explaining it, is I was like Captain Dan in Forrest Gump. You know that scene where he's on the shrimp boat during the storm... no joke.

          Best seats in the house! 

There is some video of me and Miss' wild ride on somebody's camera but I have yet to see it. Everyone on the boat had side aches from laughing on the ride home. I guess our faces were pretty classic while being destroyed by waves. I don't think I've ever been so soaked before. And the salt water had completely destroyed my sensitive eyes. But I loved it. Definitely the best part of my trip. If I could take that ride everyday, I'd be the happiest girl. It was the biggest rush. Pure excitement, mixed with a small amount of fear of being thrown over. God, how I love Costa Rica! 

   My Partner in Crime 

Backstreet's back, alright!

And by Backstreet, I clearly mean me. Hi friends. I've missed you. I just wanted to give a little shout out to the cute guy at the Apple store that replaced my hard drive. I seem to have lost his name with the rest of the information that was on my computer. Moment of silence for the pictures and music that was lost in the catastrophe.... But on a brighter side, I feel as though I am starting with a clean slate. Just in time for the new year! 

Because I am physically incapable of throwing anything away, its always nice when some force beyond your control does it for you. I always see those episodes on Oprah about hoarders. And I think how sad the way these people live their lives. And then I see boxes in my closet of like old school stuff. Old math tests from middle school, or unfinished homework assignments that were never turned in. Clearly I didn't think it was important enough to finish or even turn in, yet there's no way I could part with it now. Haha, so pathetic. But in my mind I think I am fine, because at least my clutter is stored in a tidy tupperware container. 

But anyway, I'm rambling... I just wanted to say, its good to be back and I will get to posting the rest of my Costa Rica trip along with other crazy things that have happened since I've been away. Hope everyone had a great holiday season.. I, for one, had an amazing one. But am so ready for it to be over and finally get back to the ol' hustle and bustle of everyday life. And please, can someone please remind whoever is controlling this weather that we are California, where the temperature is in the 70's year round. I don't know how many cold nights I can take...

And on that note, remember when I wanted to move to Boston? You are much stronger than I, Whit.. :)

Bad News Bears

So, due to the fact I am poor and the outlook isn't so good on being rich anytime soon, I've had to make some adjustments. I've cancelled my internet and probably should've cancelled my cable as well. But I'd rather give up food than have to give up Mad Men, Gossip Girl and Grey's Anatomy. Priorities, ya know. Anyhow, now my favorite place is the good ol' Newport Beach Library. I'm still amazed at how I never knew about all the free stuff a library offers.. sometimes when I'm there I feel like the Little Mermaid discovering all the dinglehoppers and thingamabobs they have there. And then there are the people. I could write wonders about the "others", as I like to call them. There was Mr. Antsy Pants, who I encountered while signing up for my library card. He wanted to return his books right that second, in person, because he "didn't trust the drop-box". So the fact I was there before him, getting helped before him, did not sit well. Then, there's sweet Mr. SBD, who decided of all the places in the library to sleep, directly behind my chair was the spot he liked best. And to boot, decided to silently fill the air with heavenly gifts from his butt cheeks. Hence the name, Mr. SBD. But there is the occasional "dream boat" there surrounded by books and hottness. I always wonder if he is studying for his medical degree or maybe his bar exam. Or maybe he's studying all the literature and poetry so one day when we're married, I'll be surprised with little love notes that he sprinkled throughout the house. Hey, a girl can dream, right?

But anyway, I'm rambling.... So yesterday, I'm at the library. I'm checking email. I'm checking out the cutie across the way. I'm blogging. And then for no reason at all, my computer freezes. I try to restart it, but while its rebooting, the screen goes grey, and then a little symbol pops up. Seriously. You've got to be joking. So, until I can get an appointment at the Apple store to see what is wrong with Gizmo (doesn't everybody name their electronics?) my blog is pretty much out of commission. I hope my Costa pics are okay, but I'm pretty sure everything is gone. Please keep little Gizmo in your thoughts, so we can get right back to blogging.

And some thoughts for me too, that I can get a job soon. Thankfully, the parents have accepted my rent in the form of hugs and kisses, but my credit card companies denied such attempts. And who knows how much longer that will last with my parents. Just in case-- Mom, I love what you've done with your hair! Have you lost weight? :)

I went for an interview the other night at this restaurant owned by one of my old regulars. He's been telling me for like over a year how he wants me to work for him, so I went in to take him up on his offer. Turns out he not only wants to give me a job, but apparently he thinks we should start "seeing each other" as well. Yep. That's my life. Needless to say, the job search continues...

Chasing Waterfalls

     I love this place.

So, its day two in Costa Rica, and the possibilities are endless of things to do. So after breakfast we decided to take a little hike over to the waterfall. Everywhere in Costa is "5-10" minutes away.. but its really not. And I think the reason everyone says that is because no one wears a watch. And I can't blame them, because I don't wear one either. I'd like to say its because I have really small wrists and watches just don't fit. But the real reason, is I don't know how to read analog clocks very well, and I think I'm a little too old for a digital. But anyway, back to the story.....

So we find the path to the waterfall. We don't really know where we're going, just trying to follow the water upstream for "5-10" minutes until we hit a waterfall. But that's not counting the time it takes to stop and take pictures, or make sure Wendy is making it okay. Props to her for her major efforts on those hikes. She was a real trooper. But the trail was so incredibly beautiful. It wasn't too hot out, lucky for us, the sun was being shaded by all the trees.

 

I love this picture. I don't know why but it just seems so quiet and peaceful.

When we finally arrived at the waterfall, we didn't waste anytime jumping right in. The water was the perfect temperature and the sun was out to keep us warm. Me and Miss had a blast climbing behind the waterfall and jumping off the little rocks. I felt like a kid all over again. I wish we had the pictures of inside the waterfall. We took those with waterproof cameras, so my fingers are crossed they turn out. If so, they're going to be amazing. The exhilaration you feel being inside this massive waterfall, I mean, I really don't have the words. Me and Miss couldn't wipe the grins off our face no matter how hard we tried. But then, again, I wasn't really trying.

Perfection

Looking for fishies...

         Jumping off the rocks.. Weeee!!

While we were swimming, Wendy met a guy. Surprise surprise. His name was Danny and he was telling her about another trail that leads to the top of the waterfall. I was hesitant at first. Rule #1 of travel is don't follow strangers on trails you know nothing about. But the odds were against him. 4 against 1. And my gut is pretty good at telling me if somethings up, and it was keeping pretty quiet. So we packed up our things and were off. This was truly a hike. The trail we followed in the morning was a cake walk compared to this one. But I was loving it. It was so awesome to just hike through the jungle and not worry about snakes or bugs, or aborigines. Just kidding. Aborigines don't live in Costa Rica. :)

Then we came to this dead end. The trail was completely blocked off and had barbed wire on the fence around it. And then I thought, Crap, this is it. My gut fooled me. Mom is gonna be so pissed at me. And then Danny starts saying how a tree fell over and that's why the trail is blocked. I'm pretty hesitant to continue on, but then me and the girls gave it a once over and it looked pretty legit. So we climbed through and carried on. And now looking back, I feel bad for doubting Danny. He is probably the sweetest, most humble person I've ever met. Like ever. He was patient and supportive of Wendy going through the rough parts. He gave us an all day tour for free. We had to pretty much beg him to let us buy him lunch that day. He really was my favorite person we met on the trip. So, I'm glad I trusted my gut and went on with that hike. 

Can't stop smiling....

When we got to the top, the view was insane. There was a fun rope swing to play on. And Danny and Miss were the daredevils and jumped off this super high branch that stuck out over the water. I was content with the rope swing, only so many thrills a day.

         Those afraid of heights, don't look down.

    Danny & Miss monkeying around on the rocks.

                Look at Missy fly!

           So. much. fun!! 

Wendy was content just staying grounded.

            Danny, the fearless flyer.

         Miss taking the plunge!

We packed in a full day of activities that day. Definitely one of my favorite days of the trip. And after all that fun, I'd like to think TLC would enjoy chasing these types of waterfalls. Who wouldn't?! :) 

Day One: Continued...

Our Bungalow, view from the street. Surrounded by scenery.

And we wondered why we had bugs.

My new favorite past time. Everyone should have one.

 The view from our porch. Breathtaking.

Pink leaves everywhere! Its like Dede's heaven..

After we got all settled, we had a little yoga class to stretch us out from our 13-hour travel day. Being in this outdoor pavillion, the sun has set, the crickets are chirping, the sound of the waves crashing. Well, to put it lightly, just a complete state of relaxation... its a moment I will never forget. And we had a whole week's worth of opportunities just like that ahead of us. Life sure is sweet. 

Brynn, the yoga master and reason we are all on this trip. 

All our breakfast and dinners were taken care of on the retreat. We were so spoiled with our meals. The first night we ate at Organico, and at first I was a little hesitant. Vegetarian meals, maybe even sometimes vegan.. well, this girl loves her meat. I didn't know how I'd survive without my juicy morsels of protein. But, like the old saying goes, Don't knock it till you try it.. and I was blown away by how good this food was. And no guilt in eating it either.  Being back home, that's one of the things I miss most about my trip. And Prema, the restaurant owner's dog. It seems everywhere I visit, dogs always find me. I guess its just their intuition. I love it cause it reminds me of my boys waiting for me back home. 

After dinner we all met up at the one and only bar in town called, Chico's. I didn't really know anyone other than Miss, Wendy, Brynn and her parents. So it was fun to have a little meet and greet. We played some pool and then some of us went down to the beach to check out the scene... the journey into bliss had surely begun.

The lovely ladies playing on the beach.

Prema, our little shadow.

Our First Dip

The Journey into Bliss, is not so blissful...

Even though I haven't received all the pictures from my trip, I thought I'd start posting them anyway. Missy's camera has all the fun video footage from zip-lining and the last couple days.. but I figure if I post it by each day, by the time I make it to that point, I'll have those pictures. So here goes... I hope you enjoy these pictures as much as I enjoyed taking them.

Day One: Whatever doesn't kill you, makes you stronger...

So, due to my excellent procrastination skills, I was running around like a mad women the day we were leaving. I put all daily functions aside... eating, drinking water, breathing... and just focused on "my list". As we were driving to LAX, and I finally had a chance to evaluate my condition, I realized the hunger pangs that had been stabbing me all day. So I told myself, just get through security and you can get food in the Terminal while you wait 2 hours for your flight. Imagine my surprise when we finally get through and meet up with the rest of our group to find out that the restaurant in the terminal is closed. And the Starbucks next to it. And the snack stand down the way. Everybody say it with me, "Seriously?? Seriously!" There was no food coming. No ice cold bottled water. The only thing that damn terminal had open was a drinking fountain. A room temperature trickle of water, which had a line. By the time you walked back from the drinking fountain, you were thirsty again. It was unreal. I was in survival mode. Conserving energy. No talking, no laughing... Just kept repeating, make it to the flight, make it to the flight.

Wasting away at the airport... will blog for food.

And now is the part of the story where I tell you we flew out the night of Daylight Savings. Our flight was scheduled to leave at like 2:05, so we were confused as to what time that actually was. And when we asked the counter, they had no sort of answer either. So long, miserable story short, we had to wait an additional hour at the Gate. And then the only meal we'd be getting on the plane was breakfast towards the end of the 6-hour flight. But I made it through that wilderness... oh, somehow I made it through, ooh ooh...  (Sorry, couldn't resist) 

And after another 5-6 hour nightmarish bus ride through Costa Rica (and I thought my driving was bad... Yikes), we had finally reached our destination. Hotel Los Mangoes, in Montezuma. AKA Paradise. Welcome, friends. 

The Shuttle Crew, and also half the kids attending the retreat.

Freddy, Our first Tico friend. There's just something about him that reminds me of my Great-Grandpa.

 He's like the younger, Latin version.

Me and Miss on our bus ride. Bellies full. Two happy little Campers.

Final Destination, Bungalow 18. 

Remind me again why I have no money...

Oh, that's right. Because I just got back from Costa Rica where I returned without a single penny, or colone, to my name. Because I borrowed my Dad's camera for the trip, and lucky me, someone dropped it and broke it. Because my Dad gets to celebrate Christmas early with his brand new camera. Because I get to not celebrate Christmas this year due to the fact my Dad's camera was $260.00. Because for some reason my Amex card wasn't working at Costco, and the only other form of payment is cash.

But mostly, because I am broker than broke, yet boarding a plane in an hour to go to San Francisco and Sacramento this weekend. I hear the best things in life are free... I can't wait to experience those and get outta debt.

Pura Vida!

So, I have finally returned from my trip to Neverland. Costa Rica was absolutely blissful and its probably going to be a tough adjustment to get back in the swing of things. Whenever I go on vacation its pretty easy for me to immerse myself in the culture and make myself comfortable. But on this trip, it was a whole other level. 

Montezuma is literally like a black whole that sucks you in. While you are there, you completely forget about any other place than where you are right now. I hear we have a new president. When did that happen? :) But with all the lush landscapes, the beautiful beaches, the people, the food, the dogs running around everywhere... you are literally in paradise. The saying there is "Pura Vida", or the pure life, and it is exactly what it is. While you're there, you realize that life is so simple. There is no need for money. Hikes up the waterfalls and walks on the beach are free. You have an abundance of food everywhere around you. Coconuts, Mangoes, Fish... all at your fingertips. One day when me and the girls were walking back from lunch, we stopped and picked up a coconut. Busted it open on a rock, survivor-style, and had the freshest coconut and coconut juice for not even a single penny. I didn't even know I liked coconut till that moment. It was so delicious. 

I know you all are eagerly awaiting pictures.. and due to the fact I borrowed my Dad's camera, I can't upload them without his cables. So, patience, little ones. But I can't wait to share them with you along with all our crazy adventures. I think Missy, Wendy and I were all at the right place at the right time with this trip. 

And now I must get back to reality and the daily grind of work. But to wrap things up, I just wanna say...

"Pura freakin' vida!" ... I love my life. 

Oh, and one more thing..

Happy Belated Halloween!

Here's some pictures of my brother's little pumpkin...

I love his little arched eyebrow. And his hands. If anyone watched "So you think you can dance", the middle picture looks like little Nathan is doing the "IV real" sign that all the dancers did. Maybe we have a future pop-and-locker... we'll see. ;)

Procrastination...

So the time is finally here. I leave for Costa Rica tonight. A trip that has been in the works for like six months. And clearly, I'm not ready. I haven't really packed. I literally have the longest list of things to do, and instead of getting to them, I'm blogging. Yep, and I'm pretty sure this is why I have white hairs at 27. My procrastination has made me skip the whole gray process completely. 

But I haven't yet decided if its my procrastination or just the pure excitement of the trip that has paralyzed any sort of preparation. Then again, maybe its just ADD. I'm sure it happens to everyone. I make a decision to start packing. And this is how it usually pans out...

Grab suitcase. Stare at empty suitcase. Look at hamper full of dirty clothes. Clothes that need to go in empty suitcase. Sort clothes and throw a load in washer. Go back to suitcase. Still empty. Google forecast for trip to plan outfits. Google fun things to do in Costa Rica. Google Monkeys. Google "how to smuggle monkeys" just in case I find one that I like. Remember I have two animals already.  Remember they have no food. Go to Costco to buy food. Buy water, toilet paper and gum. Forget the dog food. Feel bad. Take dogs to beach. On my way home, go to Petco to buy food. Trader Joe's is next door. Buy me food. Buy me way too much food. Go home. Put clothes in dryer. Clean dogs. Clean house. Remember empty suitcase. Remember empty belly. Feed belly. Remember Gossip Girl. Remember One Tree Hill. Remember all the other shows on my DVR. Belly full. Eyes heavy. Suitcase still empty.

So, with that being said, I better get to it. I'm sure the next blog will be full of my Central American adventures. Can't wait to share them with you! 

Adios! 

  

 

Back By Popular Demand

So of all the things that have happened in my life, to date, this one definitely ranks somewhere in the Top 3. So to all that have heard the story before, I'm sure you won't mind hearing it again. And to those who haven't, well, you're welcome. :) Here's to you, Ashley... 

Ever since I can remember, my Dad has had season tickets to the Angels games. Field level, first base side. Perfect seats for night games, but a day game in those seats, is a guaranteed farmer's tan and a possible heat stroke. I fully believe Angels Stadium is where I fell in love with the male tush. Having unobstructed views of J.T. Snow's gluteus maximus for how ever many years he was on the team, well, I believe Jesse from Full House said it best, "Have Mercy!" When I think of that stadium and the players, I have so many fond memories! Meeting Tim Salmon, chatting with Figgins about my Grandma on plenty of occasions, Game 6 of the World Series, the list goes on! But June 18, 2008 will always hold a place in my heart.. or, better yet, maybe my leg. :) 

Here's what happened..

When my Dad gives me tickets to the game, I'm pretty much the last possible person on the list. He's asked everyone, probably even the gardener, and when they decline its always me who gets them. No hard feelings, Dad. I love going to the game, but finding people to come with is usually the hard part. And then typically the day after the game, you get all these calls saying "Oh, I totally would've gone!" And so on this particular game, Angels vs. Mets, no one could go. I finally thought I had talked my cousin into going. But it turned out it would just be me, my cousin's boyfriend Dan, and his son, Dillon. Not awkward at all. Me on a date with my cousin's boyfriend and his kid. I should've known it was going to be an interesting night from that point on. 

So on our way to the game, we were talking about the guy in this picture below. Please notice where the ball is headed, and by the look on his face, I'm sure its not hard to see. But for all those that weren't so good at Where's Waldo.. its headed right to his crotch.

So we're now at the game and its late in the innings. Game is entertaining, but nothing too exciting. Then good ol' Vladmir Guerrero steps up to the plate. He's such a strong hitter, that its always exciting when he's at bat. So my eyes are locked on the field. Here comes the pitch, crack of the bat, and then it all goes into slo-mo.. Suddenly its like I'm in a scene out of Matrix. The crowd parts like Neo dodging bullets, crazy back bends, it was unreal. And then I see it. The little white missile which looks like its heading in my direction. But it can't be. There were rows and aisles of people in between me and that ball just seconds ago. But here I was, in a face-off. Me and a line-drive ball with my name on it. Karma, coming straight at me. I kinda sat there, for what seemed like forever, trying to make a deal with this ball. I didn't have a plan, shoot, I didn't even have a mitt. I'd learned after years of letdowns, that even though our seats were in the zone, actually taking home a foul ball was like finding a unicorn. So I told myself its not you. And then, in a last ditch effort, I curled into the fetal position and prepared for the worst. I'm almost positive, "Mama, No!" may have been screamed. Can't really recall. All I remember is the feeling of that ball attempting to murder my shin. The moments after that are kinda fuzzy. I just remember hugging my leg and trying with all my might not to cry. Everyone knows there's no crying in baseball. And then it hit me, where's the ball?? And that's when I heard the chants... Give her the ball, give her the ball.. I was confused, where did the ball go? I checked my leg to see if it had in fact been embedded into it, luckily it wasn't. But where did it go? And that's when I realized where the ball went. 

The old, grumpy man sitting directly next to me had it. The same guy who hadn't watched a single moment of the game, because he was on his cell phone the entire time. The same guy who let his 7-yr old son wander off by himself for over an hour and never once looked up from his text messages with a look of concern that his son hadn't come back. That guy had my ball. Of all the people, that guy. Seriously! So in between the stabs of pain and the fighting back of tears, I completely missed what was going on around me. I looked up to find around 300 people on my side, rooting for me, and my ball. No one was watching the game. The crowd around section 127 were all standing up and screaming at this guy. That guy. "Give her the ball, give her the ball, give her the ball..." People I had never met, people who probably couldn't even see what was going on, all joining together to cheer for me. Taking videos and pictures of him, threatening him, "We're gonna put you on YouTube!" I felt like a celebrity. And that guy?? Well, he just sat there and ignored everything. At first I was mad, and said, "Seriously, give me the ball!" But then I decided to go the other route. Kill him with kindness, or at least be the bigger person. That's about the time the Usher came with some ice, and I was really feeling the pain. Knots were already forming and you could see the bump beginning to raise. The chants went on for about 20 minutes before the Usher came back down to give me a ball. Clearly not my ball, but a ball to quiet the crowd. 

And then the crowd really went nuts. I stood up, feeling like Kerry Strug in the Olympics. Trying to stand straight, but hopping because it hurt too much. Dan & Dillon were in awe, and pointed out that I was on the JumboTron. Twice! Some random guy came and took our picture. It was the coolest thing I'd ever experienced. And then "That Guy" leans over and tells me, "That was nice of them to give you a ball." Seriously!? I wanted to kill him. I wanted to send a message with my mind to Guerrero that next time you need to aim one seat to the left, and put a little heat in it this time. But no such luck. And that's when the crowd began to chant again.. "Give her the real ball.." It was hilarious!  Eventually the guy's kid came back, and everyone realized he wasn't going to give the ball up, and went back to watching the game. Or maybe they felt weird throwing peanuts at a guy with a kid. But every so often you'd hear an occasional "Give her the ball!" and I'd smile all over again. 

Mr. Guerrero really did a number on my leg. Some were telling me to get my leg signed, others were telling me to sue. But I was pretty content with the way things were. Mostly because of all the days to not shave my legs, I chose this one. But what if he had just given me the ball? There would have been no JumboTron, no chanting, and no 15 minutes of fame at the Angels Stadium. I just wish it wasn't "That Guy" who got the ball. I tried to be the better person, but when he left with his kid and bent down to tell me, "That looks like it really hurts.." I couldn't resist. With what sign language I knew, I told him he was #1 and then said some unladylike things that I will choose to withhold. The entire crowd booed him as he was walking up the aisle and I wondered what kind of lesson he thought he was teaching his son. 

In the end, it doesn't matter anyway. Everyone probably forget about that moment already, and I'm pretty sure that guy's kid lost the baseball the very next day. But not me. The bruise spread over the entire length of my lower leg and stayed there for over a month. And the knot took a couple months to work itself out. But I will always remember that moment, and everytime Vladi steps up to the plate, I feel a tingle in my leg. And I smile. I truly believe baseball is America's favorite past time. Now let's sing everybody:

    "Now its one, two, three strikes you're out at the ooooolldd.. balllll.. gaaaaaame!" 

Circle of Life

So, on Wednesday my brother became a proud little daddy. Nathan James graced us with his presence around 12:30 pm, weighing in at 7 lbs. 11 oz and 21 inches long. Great betting numbers! It was so great to see the excitement in everyone's faces as we anticipated meeting the little spud. My dad had zero patience and was the one pacing back and forth. Even though we were supposed to be waiting in the lobby for the news, my Dad kept sneaking back to get updates and was the first to break the news. It was so great to see my Dad so excited. If anyone knows this man, kids are not his cup of tea. He loves his grandkids, there's no question about that, but he just wishes they were like little mannequins to look at, instead of rambunctious little hyenas with messy hands. But he was the first to arrive at the hospital, and the one most likely to page the nurses. He was finally getting his legacy.. little Nathan to carry on the family name, and I'm sure the family business too.  

Little Nathan, or as I call him, Nater Potater, is THE sweetest baby ever. I love kids, love love them! But newborns always scare me. They seem so fragile and I don't wanna wake them in case they cry. But not this one. I am so addicted to this little baby. He is such a great baby! I can't put him down. The nurses were so sad to see him go. They just loved our little spud! And Chris is so stinkin' cute with him. I always knew my brother would be a great Dad, but I have tears in my eyes right now thinking about the two of those kids together. My brother tries to be so tough, and then he puts this baby in his arms, and you just see him melt right before your eyes. Life is seriously such a beautiful thing! 

But life has its ebbs and flows. With life comes death. And I got the news today that my Great-Grandma passed away this morning. Although my heart is broken, it is also so full. This woman lived such an amazing life. She lived it to the fullest, topping out at 107 years old. I can't say that this is something that we weren't prepared for, but it still came as a surprise. Twice a year, the family meets in Laughlin. Once to celebrate her birthday in March, and the other to celebrate her son's, or my Uncle Donny, in October. My Uncle Donny passed away a couple months ago and so this was going to be a big celebration. One last hoorah for Donny at the Craps table. And we'd always say whenever Grandma was slowing down, "Just make it to Laughlin..." and she would. But unfortunately, Grandma missed the trip by two weeks. Everyone is still planning on going and celebrating these two amazing lives, but its just bittersweet. It just isn't the same without our Jackpot Mary.

I found myself being kinda selfish. Wanting her to live forever because she was such a rare jewel and I didn't want to let go. But at the same time, she's been living for forever. I mean, she was born in 1901.. she has lived through everything! I don't read history books, I just talk to her. Its way more accurate and entertaining. But as much as she loved her family, I know she was tired. She would say, "I'm ready to go home. You know, Bill isn't going to wait for me for  forever..." And that always put things into perspective for me. Even though I knew he would. 

My Grandpa passed away when I was a baby, but I love looking at pictures of the two of them. They just look like this classic couple. The two of them probably had no clue what their love could create. They were this cute, little family of four, which later turned into 11 grandchildren, 22 great-grandchildren, and 11 great-great-grandchildren. 

I feel so honored to be a part of this family. To not only have loved this woman, but to have been loved by this woman. She was always so excited to see everyone even when she was achy and tired. And even when she was weak, she would still hold your hand with her tight grip, look you straight in the face, smile and say "It's so good to see you." And it made it all worth it. The early morning alarm clock on saturday, the traffic, the long drive.. that one moment. I'm sure going to miss that. 

I thank her for making me the "tough ol' swede" that I am today. I thank her for teaching me the importance of family. I thank her for teaching me that sometimes you just need to get away and hit the slots. I thank her for teaching me about the simple things. That life is just as rich living in a tiny one-bedroom house in Santa Monica than in any penthouse or ocean-front property. But most of all, I thank her for her love. 

I'll miss you, Grandma! If I'm anything like you, I guess I'll see you in 80 years.. Love you! 

I'm a big kid now...

So, I think there are two kinds of people in this world. Those who hate doctors and only go visit them when they are on their death bed. And those that just realize its a fact of life, and suck it up and go. I am the death bed type. I've never even had a bad experience with them.. well, that I can remember at least. But then again, when I was a kid I did crack my head open twice in one week and also got a pencil stuck in my eye. Sorry, Mom. I now know that pencils go on paper, and foreheads don't belong on toilet seats. But those events happened so long ago, I have absolutely no recollection. I always figured I hated doctors because doctors give shots, and I hate needles. Then I became a woman, and I have remembered the real reason why... all you ladies should relate, and I doubt any guys are reading this. I apologize in advance if you are. 

About a month ago, I got some results back from my doctor that there were some cells of "undetermined significance". I always thought that was my problem in life.. undetermined significance. But I guess it was on a deeper level. Anyways, my Mom had cervical cancer when she was my age, and ended up having a hysterectomy a couple years later so she freaked out. Which in turn, freaked me out. I was trying to stay positive. But due to the fact my Mom has worked in the medical field for over 20 years, she had diagnosed me completely. But she wanted me to go see her doctor, cause he was a specialist in cancer. The only catch is he only sees patients with/or recovering from Cancer. So I'm hoping he doesn't want to see me cause that means I'm A-Ok. And then I got a call confirming an appointment. Crap. Next thing I know I'm hearing how I should freeze my eggs cause my cervix isn't going to be strong enough to hold a child. I'm totally imagining an episode of my future cooking show.. I go into the freezer to get some peas and almost grab my frozen eggs instead, and say, "Oops, don't wanna use those little guys. They're for when I wanna make 'cutie pies' not 'pot pies'.. completely different recipe!" My Mom has me totally freaked out, but I try to remain calm. The Secret is in full effect. Power of positive thinking, yet I'm also thinking I need to start checking things off my "Bucket List".. First thing, of course, to finish watching Bucket List. I have tried three times.

So the day of my appointment I'm pretty calm. I don't really know what to expect, so I don't know what to be nervous about. I just didn't want any blood to be taken. Hate those things. There's just gotta be an easier way to get that stuff. But then its time to go back. Luckily I had my Mom with me to ask and answer all the right questions. They do all the basics... check my blood pressure, pulse, weight and height (By the way, I'm shrinking! I used to be 5'3"..now I'm  5' 1 1/2".. I don't need to get married cause my clock is ticking, I need to get married before I become a little person! No hard feelings to all the mini's out there..) and then this young guy walks in the room. I was a little taken back because I was under the impression my doctor was older. And then he mentioned he was an intern and would be just asking me a couple questions. I was relieved. So far, so good. This appointment is a breeze. Next thing I know I'm in "the position", where I'm pretty sure I feel like I'm dialated to a 10 and ready to push. Baby's head is crowning.. and I'm in a room with like way too many people in it. Literally, everyone and my mother. 

I'm so incredibly uncomfortable that the only thing I can think of is to tell jokes. I start with, "So, Mom... how are yooouuuu?" "You always said you wanted me under a spotlight.. guess you didn't mean one like this.." I'm fighting the urge to whistle the "Jeapordy" think music.. or asking my Mom to hand me my crossword puzzle to finish. Then the doctor says, "Everything looks great! Nothing to worry about.." so I'm totally relieved. Then I hear the scariest six words of my life. He looks at the intern and says, "Do you wanna have a look?" Seriously?! I mean, I know what an intern is, I watch Grey's Anatomy. But, seriously! His response, "Oh yes, of course!" I wanted to ask them if any other people would like to "take a look" while I'm here.. maybe my mom, any other interns, nurses, complete strangers, and of course, their mothers. But I kept my mouth closed. I was mortified. In case there is any confusion, this exact moment is the reason I avoid the doctor's office. 

But afterwards my Mom praised me on how composed I was. Had I known I had the option to freak out, I would have. But I didn't get that memo when I signed in. Maybe next time. All I know is I'm pretty sure this is the moment where I became a grown-up. As I was getting dressed, I was singing the song from the Pull-ups commercial...

"Mommy, Wow! I'm a big kid now, bum bum!! 

Hats off to all my friends with babies, I'm sure this sounds like a cake walk compared to what you've all been through... can't wait. :) 

Timing is everything...

So, pretty much most my life I've had everyone telling me, "You need to be on SNL".. I always laughed it off because, well, I thought people thinking I was funny enough for SNL, was like one of the funniest things I'd ever heard. But certain people come into your lives for certain reasons, and my friend Mikey actually convinced me one day to get going on the whole SNL process. The west coast recruitment program starts pretty much with one thing, the Groundlings. Its where all the greats started.. Will Farrell and a bunch of others that at this present moment I cannot remember. But to be in the same program as Ron Burgundy.. well, that's something else. 

So after much coaxing and bribing from my friend, I did it. I had an audition set-up. And pretty much the second after I set it all up, I wanted to vomit. I had to keep telling myself, I can do this. I had done countless comedic exercises with kids that were currently in the program, and I didn't really think they were all that funny. So I said to myself, if they can do it, I totally can. Mistake #1. 

So, today was the day. I had to drive up to LA for the audition so I had to make sure to allow plenty of time. Tardiness is not an option. You aren't there on time? You lose your chance. So me and a girl I'd met named, Lane, planned on going together. She lived a couple blocks away from the Groundlings so I met at her place. The dress code for the audition is simple. Wear something comfortable. It isn't a fashion show. So, I wore my most comfortable pants. I'd worn them everywhere. England, Paris, Italy... They were my pants. THE pants. Mistake #2.

Because tardiness is extremely important, its no surprise me and Lane are running behind schedule. So we are literally sprinting to the audition down Melrose. And then it happens. Rrrriiippp! A little more information on the pants here... They are like a hip version of sweatpants. Or should I say, they were. Super baggy, but with a cute style. They were like the most expensive "comfy" pants I'd ever bought. They were like 80 dollars from Anthropologie. And because I am a midget, well 3 inches shy of one, they were super long. 

So back to the story here... I'm running. My pants are dragging. I am on my way to an audition that could potentially change my entire life. I have horrible luck. Yep, you guessed it! In mid-stride I hear one of the most terrifying sounds ever. Which is then followed by a cool breeze. Never a good sign. So long story short, my comfy pants turned to the most uncomfortable pants two seconds before I ran into the building. Seriously!?! And it wasn't just a little rip. My right pant leg was ripped clean up to the back of my thigh. And by thigh, I mean, almost butt cheek. You can imagine my first impression.. completely out-of-breath from sprinting and the only thing I can get out is, "Yes, we made it" and "Would anyone happen to have a sewing machine handy or perhaps a box of safety pins??"And that's around the same time I run into Mikey Day, who then introduces me to the lady running the audition today, who repeatedly mentions to her how hilarious I am. Mistake #3.

Can you see where this is going?? Long story short, it was the biggest bomb in history. I've never in my life been at a loss for words. And there I was on stage completely dumbfounded and speechless. I called Mikey Day after the audition and told him how bad it went. He reassured me with this, "Jamie, there are complete retards in my class that made it through the audition. Absolute retards. You'll totally make it." So when I called him the next day with the news that I didn't in fact make it, I told him, "Apparently, on the totem pole of comedians, complete retards are above me. I'm not even funny enough to ride the short bus." 

That was almost a year ago, and I haven't mustered the courage to try another beating. I also can't think of which pair of my favorite pants I want to kill. Lightning does strike twice, you know. But last night I found myself watching SNL. Haven't seen it in forever! But I saw a sketch that blew my mind, and I had another epiphany. Maybe I can't physically be on SNL, but as I was watching the skit, I couldn't help but think, this character is so me! I found myself in this moment where I thought, "I did it. I finally made it on SNL!"

I'm going to start sending anonymous faxes to the writers of SNL. Various things about me, and experiences I've encountered. And maybe one night I'll see someone portraying me. Shoot, maybe I'll just send them a link to my blog. I hope you enjoy the video below as much as I do. Whit, I could totally hear you laughing as I was watching it too..

Just kidding about the just kidding...

D is for Donut..

So, I was feeling kinda bad about not blogging recently. But I just didn't know what to write about. And then the RANDOMEST thing happened to me like five minutes ago. So here goes..

I don't know why but I have been craving a donut for like the last week. I can usually fight it off. Convince myself that maybe a banana, or something healthier than a warm, chocolatey bar of heaven would be just as satisfying. Nice try, Jame. So this morning the craving was too strong. I rolled out of bed, threw a sweater and some rainbows on, and was out the door. Didn't brush my teeth or my hair.. didn't even put a bra on. So clearly this would be the best time to meet a man. Right?? So I leave my house.. I didn't even shut my front door cause in my mind I'm thinking I'll be back in one minute. 

As I'm pulling up to the donut shop I see a man walking in. He kinda does a double take at me in the car but then continues to walk in the shop. Clearly its because I look like I got hit by a bus.. twice.. but I shrug it off. The donut is just too important to care. When I walk in the shop, he turns around and says to me, "What kinda of donut am I buying you this morning?" My response was "Seriously??" (I just want to clarify that I had to search my entire house for the dollar that I was going to use for the donut.. because since I quit my bartending job, I literally don't have a dollar to my name..) He then says, "Yeah, I'm buying today." I said, "Oh, its fine, I can buy my own donut." But really, I can't even buy my own donut.. In my mind I'm thinking, How sweet. I'm this guy's little charity project today. Feeding the homeless. Way to not brush your hair. Mom is going to be so pissed when she hears about this. So he buys me my donut and a chocolate milk. I went for the small one, and he demanded I replace it for the large. Seriously, how homeless do I look right now?? And then after I say thank you, he says to me, "So when am I taking you to dinner?" Seriously?! 

I was caught SO off guard, I was waiting for the shop worker to give me some sort of sign that this in fact is normal, and happens all the time. She gave me no such look. I couldn't stop laughing. For one cause its freaking hilarious how homeless I look, and two because is he seriously asking me out at a donut shop?! So I try to get going. I have no idea what the protocol is when a guy buys you a donut. I thought a polite "Thank you for your donation, it is, in fact, tax deductible" but the next thing I know I am sitting at an outside table chatting with this man. For like 45 minutes. During which he asked me to dinner like seven times, and each time I laughed it off. Does this seriously happen? I knew it was going to be a good day when I found the dollar that would buy me my donut, but this is something else. 

Now I'm sure you are all wondering, what the heck does this guy look like... and here's where I also tell you that old men LOVE me. Guys my age seriously don't notice me. I'm still trying to figure out how I met Duke, the hottie from the previous post, but that's beside the point right now. So DonutMan, his real name is Fred, but that's such a Grandpa name that DonutMan sounds so much better. Anyway, DonutMan, was an attractive guy probably in his mid-40's. He was pretty casually dressed. Shorts and flip flops, but I'm pretty sure he had brushed his teeth and hair prior to leaving the house. Not so sure if he was wearing a bra. Haha, lame joke. Anyway, I mentioned I work for a construction company and then he mentions how he just sold his solar power company... for oh, 8 million dollars. And then he proceeds to tell me all this crazy info about the Earth and how global warming is bogus. So I pretty much had breakfast with Bill Nye, the Science Guy. Except a more handsome version. It was amazing and I was really interested in what he had to say. And every so often I would remind myself that I still look homeless and haven't brushed my teeth. 

Seriously, so random! He asked me if I wanted another donut, and maybe that one we could eat back at my house where we would watch soap operas all day. I told him I wasn't the soap opera type, and if he would have said Food Network I would've given it another thought. But we wrapped things up. He asked for my number and I took his instead. He told me its not everyday you meet a hot girl at a donut shop. I said, maybe tomorrow will be his day, since clearly today was homeless thursday. And then he got into his convertible Jaguar, I got in my soccer mom SUV, and we parted ways. Even though I didn't get the creepy vibe from him, I took the long way home just in case he was following. 

Life sure is interesting. People come into your lives for various reasons. Maybe I met DonutMan to teach me crazy facts about the Earth which will later help me win millions on Jeapordy. Or maybe it was just to get a free donut. Either way, all I have to say is:

 "I got a dollar, I got a dollar, I got a dollar, hey hey hey heeyy..." 

Seriously???

So for those that didn't know, a couple months ago I got my heart shattered into a gajillion pieces. Before I met "B" I kinda considered myself a Grinch when it comes to love. I wouldn't allow myself to get attached because I always said I was cold and heartless. Then, he wiggled his way into my life and next thing I knew there was a beating heart in that once empty cave. But long story short, not exactly the man I thought he was. After my brief mourning period, sad songs, dark rooms, and the occasional Legally Blonde re-enactment when she's watching soaps, eating chocolates, then throws the box of chocolates at the TV and screams "Liar!".. (I always loved that part, haha).. I have now bounced back, and am stronger than ever. Meeting a hot boy like this doesn't hurt either. Hi Duke... Call me! :) 

But there's always that moment when you run into the ex. I always imagined it as B walking into a room and sees me standing there looking extremely gorgeous and carefree (possibly a fan blowing my hair in the distance) and Duke on bended knee professing his undying love.. ideally, in a speedo or something that shows off a perfectly toned physique. And I just want to clarify that I don't particularly enjoy speedos. But desperate times call for desperate measures. :)  But in a real world, the encounters never happen that way. 

I ran into B this weekend. I was with some girlfriends at the place he worked. I knew I could just ignore him. Pretend he wasn't there. Then my friend tells me that before I got to the restaurant, they were all talking and when someone mentioned I'd be there that night, B's face lit up. And she told me that anytime someone mentions my name his face lights up. So in my mind I'm thinking this.. he still loves me. The reason he hasn't called me in over a month to apologize and say how he's the scum of the earth and messed up, is because he's been writing the perfect speech. So it was inevitable. There I was face to face with the man who I completely despise, yet am still completely in love with. Funny how that works. I say nothing. The ball is in his court, I've said my words and now its time for his. So he leans over to whisper his apology into my ear and here's what he said..

"I'm like two minutes away from having a six-pack..."

Seriously?? Seriously! For a little background, B is a total health nut. Obsessed with getting six pack abs. We once had a bet that if I drank one of his veggie shakes that he drinks like twice daily, he'd have to go sing kareoke with  me. Probably one of the worst experiences of my life.. 64 oz of blended vegetables in one sitting is not pretty. I did it though.. which reminds me he still hasn't held up his end of the bargain. Standard. 

So you can imagine my surprise that this was the moment I had been imagining... My first reaction was just staring at him in disbelief. Then, I had the urge to yell at him, "If I could kill someone with my mind, it would be you." But all I pretty much did was roll my eyes and walk away. All my married friends, please go kiss your husbands right now. You have no idea how happy you are that you are not single and dealing with socially retarded men such as these. I tried to think of some deeply profound and mature response.. but then remembered what I was dealing with. My response back to him was:

"Six pack. Shmix pack."

Oh, how great the single life is. I'm officially back in 6th grade. Where's my chalupa? 

Beagle for sale..

So, if anyone had ever told me all the things that go into having a pet, more specifically, a beagle. Well, I probably would have reconsidered. Sorry, Bax. I never remember the dogs we had when I was a kid having so many issues, but there's that whole "lucky me" in this story. If ever there were an insane breed of dog, you better believe I'm going to be the lucky one to get it. 

I just want all my friends with babies to know, I feel your pain. Baxter has been a newborn baby going on 3 1/2 years now.. waking me up in the middle of the night cause he has to pee, and then right when you're back to sleep.. scratch scratch on the door, cause he wants in. I believe when I eventually have a "real baby" someday that will be the easiest adjustment for me. Sleep? What a funny word. 

Some of Baxter's other highlights would be:

 - His barking. Oh how sweet the sound... Its a rare blend of your average bark, a dying seal, a howler monkey, with a pinch of his own little addition depending on his mood. Oh, and its amplified by like 1000. Whenever I go to the dog beach, the second I take him off the leash, its like a bullet firing from a gun. He takes off running and screaming. I believe in his mind he's saying "Wooo Hooo, I'm free" but to the human ear it sounds like he's being murdered. And the looks from innocent bystanders? Mostly shock that something that loud is coming from something that small. I believe he gets that from his mama. I'm puny, short and little, but I'm loud. :) Everyone tells me that this is just a phase, and the barking will stop. Save the date for when that happens, I'm having a party.

 - His love of animals. Definitely the best part of having a dog is the cuddling part. Baxter in particular is a major cuddle bug. I carried him everywhere when he was a pup so he is constantly needing human contact. Or so I thought. Apparently, any species will do. The one that tugs at my heart strings the most?? Without a doubt, the dead possum. My absolute favorite is when he decides to carry them into the house, and especially when he puts them on my bed. What a thoughtful dog he is. I always thought I wanted a man that surprises me with gifts. Be careful what you wish for, I guess. 

 - He's eco-friendly. Baxter doesn't like to add to the waste with poop bags, so he's potty trained. Or wave-trained, I guess. Normal dogs poop in the sand at the beach. But not Baxter. He walks out into the water... usually just deep enough where I can't grab it before it floats away, and just shallow enough for everyone to see what he's doing. Its probably one of the sweetest things to see Baxter run up to a little kid playing in the water, lick his face and then proceed to pop a squat and contaminate his play area. Its amazing that I haven't gotten into a fight with a furious parent yet. Knock on wood... And Baxter also only plays with gifts from nature.. pine cones, twigs.. pretty much anything that will cause a mess when he breaks it into tiny pieces and sprinkles all over the carpet, couch and my bed. 

 - He's a performer. Whenever I have people over, Monty always hides out in the other room. But Baxter feels out the crowd, and then proceeds to put on a show. It varies. Sometimes he humps a blanket. Sometimes a stuffed animal. But the real crowd pleaser is when he takes one of my guests jackets or sweaters, props it up on a chair or step, and then goes to town right in front of everyone. I believe he learned this from his Uncle Chris. No more slumber parties at his house. 

And the one downfall to this "Best in Show" (you know, a beagle did win last year...)  :

  - This face. Cause its impossible to stay mad at this. Cause he looks at you with these big, sad, brown eyes but his tail is wagging a million miles an hour cause he loves you so much. 

I think that's what being a parent is about after all. No matter how much torture they put you through, it would be even worse torture without them. Thank you, Baxter for teaching me that lesson. Please, for the love of God, no more gifts. 

A Lesson Learned...

So I always considered myself more of a street smart kinda person. School was never a struggle for me. But I definitely had my moments of complete and utter stupidity. Case in point.. Figuring out Alaska was not in fact an island. Oh yeah, and I was like 20 years old when this epiphany hit me. I'd like to give a shout out to my 909 elementary education! Ha ha :) And these moments happen all the time.. but I learned a valuable lesson this morning, and knew it was perfect for the blog. 

So this last weekend I was on a major cleaning spree.. and I mean, major. Ever since I quit my bar tending job I now have weekends open, so I spent all day Saturday cleaning. My dogs, my car, my house... it was amazing how much clutter had piled up. And then it happened. I went to throw something in the trash, and I saw it. At first I kinda just looked around.. confused. Are those seeds? Did a strawberry explode in my trash can? And then it hit me... eggs. Something had gone horribly wrong in my trash can, and they had set up camp. And by they, I mean, the maggots. I believe my early detection is what saved me from completely going nuts, throwing my dogs in the car and just calling it a loss and setting my place on fire. Isn't that the only way to kill them? But the fact they were in the incubation stage and not pop-and-locking through my garbage gave me time to assess a plan. And my first thought.. Kaboom. I dunno if anyone has been graced with the presence of Kaboom.. but I believe it cleans, kills, or does everything. Probably not a product "Method" would support, but I wasn't thinking about the environment at this moment.. this was strictly survival. So I took my trash outside and Kaboom'd the crap out of it. I can only imagine what my neighbors were thinking if they overheard my screams. "Die! Die! Die!" "Get the freak out!" I mean, honestly, a whole other person I never even knew existed came out. And I'm a gemini.. I thought I knew all of my multiple personalities. I remember looking at my dogs just laying there watching me.. concerned looks on there face.. probably saying to each other.. "Uh oh, Mommy's lost it again..."

So the conclusion I reached after my battle.. the culprit was basil gone bad. So bad. For those with the weak stomachs, I won't share the details... but once again, a moment that will haunt me forever. So I decided from this point on, no more food in the trash. I'm sending everything down the garbage disposal... Which now brings me to my lesson. 

Apparently... Garbage disposals are for scraps. Not egg shells, baby carrots, and an occasional piece of plastic. Correct me if I'm wrong here, but I always thought of a garbage disposal as like the supreme destroyer. I'm sure everyone shares in the fear of sticking your hand down the drain to rescue a stray spoon... goose bumps just thinking about it. So I felt pretty safe in assuming that if a garbage disposal can "dispose" a human hand, it could probably handle something as frail as an egg shell. Or.. a bag of baby carrots. It can't. 

My garbage disposal kicked the bucket last night while I was cleaning out my fridge. Found a half eaten bag of baby carrots, and didn't think twice. Probably a lesson that I missed during my Culinary education. Garbage Disposal 101 didn't seem like a necessity at the time. So after the shock washed off my brother's face after I told him what all I do, in fact, put down the drain, he told me these wise words...

"Garbage disposals are there to get rid of the scraps left on the plate. You scrape the leftovers into the trash, and whatever is left can go down the drain."

I am sending a letter to all garbage disposal companies, and requesting they change the name to a "scrap disposal" for all the Amelia Bedilias out there like me. I now refer to mine as "scrappy" just to remind myself that he is not capable of garbage. 

Hope my actions can prevent any future disposals being disposed of. 

Live on little scrappy, live on!