Boomerang

So, I have a confession, friends.. I have a crush. (.. Sigh..) And to be honest, I have been crushin' for a while.. But I constantly push it aside, to the itty bitty corners of my mind.. cause the whole reality of it becoming an actual reality just seems too insane. We've known each other for a long time.. worked together a while back, he adopted my brother's dog, and we also have tons of the same friends.. One friend in particular that we have in common, is the Captain, as in Captain Boring, as in the main pain in my arse for the last 4 years. And the plot thickens... dun dun dun!

So, here I am constantly playing it cool every time I see him. Keeping it breezy, hiding the giddy girl feelings when he hugs me hello... Or when I get a cute text from him.. Or when he offers to ride my dogs to the beach.. Or casually mentions that he just got a Disneyland pass and that we should go together. Ugh, I hate when I'm such a girl, already planning out our cuddle sessions while waiting for Space Mountain.. Or sharing churros. Or him tempting me with kisses to go on Tower of Terror with him. And then I wake up, roll out of bed, throw on my flip flops and go meet him, and the Captain, at the beach with all our dogs.

So imagine my surprise when Skip* walks into my work one night and asks me to go to Knott's Scary Farm with him. And also to Disneyland with him that same week. Now, although I am the biggest chicken on the planet, I couldn't pass up an opportunity to be scared and hide in someone's arms, so I accepted. And then freaked out. Clearly. Was this a date?? Or was it just a friendly invitation so Skip would have someone to laugh at when monsters in mazes corner and taunt me until I pee myself? And more importantly, could I even make it through a night of monsters in mazes taunting me??? (Shanny, I still remember when we all went to Knott's Scary Farm in high school and you would block us from running out of the mazes... Thanks, Spooner! Not! Ha ha!)

Cut to the night of the big event.. He sends me a text that he's on his way, and I try to put my game face on. Have a huddle with myself and all my fears to "man-up" tonight and not make a fool of myself. So when he arrives, I am walking out to meet him. I give him a hug, and then notice another figure in the night. He says, "Oh.. Jamie, this is Layla*.." Umm.. I'm sorry.. What? Who? Why?? Yep, all of a sudden I am in my worst nightmare, heading to my worst nightmare.. Knott's Scary Farm.. as a 3rd wheel! In my mind, I am Macauly Culkin in Home Alone after he puts on the after-shave.. Hands on face screaming at the top of my lungs. And in reality, I'm playing it cool. Like the coolest of cools. Where the hell is my Academy Award already?! And it just keeps getting better. She is your typical 23 year old, tall, bendy, blonde .. and apparently my new BFF. After being in the car for literally 10 minutes, I was already invited to go to Disneyland (turns out she is the one who talked Skip into buying a pass), snowboarding this winter, her birthday party at the Pirate Show and also her yoga/pilates/spin classes. All the while I am contemplating just rolling out of the car on the 5 freeway and hitching a cab back home. And the icing on the cake? She snorts when she laughs.

This is one of those moments where you think you're being punked. Cause this doesn't really happen in real life. Unless you are me. Seriously.

So, here I am in the car replaying everything. Making sure I didn't misread anything. He asked me. He didn't tell me to invite any of my friends. He insisted we still go despite the chance of rain. He bought the tickets. He picked me up. I was confused, but I had to tell myself to power through this night, and let it go. That I should be happy for him.. and be supportive. And that's right about the time that he stepped away from us, and she proceeded to tell me the last thing I needed to hear.

"Skip just adores you.. he thinks you're great. I've heard so much about you.. He talks about you all the time, so its nice to finally meet you. Its funny, a couple times when we were on the phone he was like 'Jamie's calling, I gotta go..' So yeah, its nice to finally meet you.. you're so cool.. and I like your boots.. and I didn't know you were gonna be so pretty."

Ughh, Seriously! I have been with these people like 30 minutes and my emotions had been back and forth and all over the place. I felt like a freaking boomerang.. Chucked out to let it fly, take a chance and see what happens, only to be shot right back to where I started. And this boomerang wasn't settling anytime soon. Because we hadn't even entered the park yet. I don't think Skip thought this scenario through beforehand.. I mean, most of the rides are built for twos, and then having to console two terrified girls.. I mean, come on! But we made do.. rotated on the rides, and as fate would have it.. Guess which ride me and Skip rode together on? Yep, Boomerang. How fitting.. (Insert eye roll here.)

The rest of the night couldn't have went any better. One of Skip's buddies joined us later with his girlfriend, so I had more company. And Layla had a little too much to drink, and started to be a little much to handle when she would burst into tears on rides and in the mazes. Skip would look at me for some sort of assistance, and I would just smile and say "Good luck, honey!" Okay okay, so I may or may not have egged her on with a shot or two. And I may or may not have pointed her out to monsters and perhaps told them her name. But I honestly didn't expect her to cry. I just figured the more monsters that scared her, the less monsters to scare me?? I had an image of a put-together, mature woman to uphold here.

But in the end, it always works out. As we were coming out of our final maze, the scariest guy in all of Scary Farm-- the guy with the chain saw-- pops out of nowhere, corners Skip and Layla, and she takes off running. And I mean, runnnning! Mr Chain Saw chased after her, of course. And they sprinted off in the distance, leaving the four of us, keeled over in tears from laughing so hard. I swear on everything I had nothing to do with that one... But I couldn't have planned it any better myself. The car ride home was perfect too. Layla's final sprint wore her out, and she was asleep before we even left the parking lot.

Maybe this was just a teaser for when me and Skip are taking our out-of-control toddler to amusement parks someday.. or maybe I'll use this story when giving a toast at Skip and Layla's wedding. Who knows. Either way, I had fun.

I took those lemons, and made another killer lemon meringue pie. I think I'll save this one for Mr. Chain Saw... wink wink.



* For confidentiality purposes, names have been changed to sound more hip and unrealistic.