Best one yet...

So, the other night I heard, in my opinion, the best pickup line. 

"Hi. I accept you for your facial scars. Do you accept me for mine?" 

Ladies, keep a lookout for your "Save the Dates"... this one's a keeper. Haha!

Indian Chief

So, the other day I called my brother to tell him to not take my mail out of the mailbox, to be lost in some random pile in his house, but leave it in the mailbox where I can retrieve it myself. It was never a problem with the previous tenants. Whoever picked up the mail, would deliver whatever mail wasn't theirs to the appropriate addressee. Seems simple. But this is my brother we're talking about here. I didn't know it then, but apparently, my brother was using my mail as hostage for me to visit. So not only do I get a guilt trip for not seeing enough of my nephew, but I also miss out on cool opportunities like baby showers, weddings, cable tv and, my personal favorite, car insurance. 

So as I'm giving my brother the new mail protocol, he cuts me off by saying, "Alright, Jamie, I gotta go.. I'm digging up a dead body right now." And honestly, I didn't even question it. My brother is the king of exaggeration and prank phone calls. So the "dead body" didn't even throw me for a loop. And, clearly, it should have. It turns out as my brother is working on this house, attempting to dig a sewer line, his shovel hits bones. He said this isn't unusual, most of the time they are animals though. Fountain Valley High School is built on old slaughterhouse carcasses. Goo. But in this case, he happened to find a human skull. And clearly, the remaining pieces of the skeleton. As my brother snaps into "CSI" mode, his two workers begin to freak out. Understandably so. One is off saying his "Aye Dios Mio's" while the other is dry heaving in the corner. Apparently the smell was too much. Goo, again. My brother continues to dig and pull out bones, laying them out on the ground in the appropriate places, so when the real CSI's come, they can do their work. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think that would be tampering with evidence. But whatever, on with the story...

So, I'm sure you are all on the edge of your seat wondering what the heck a body is doing under a house, so here's the dish...

Apparently, it was the body of a 200 year old Indian Chief. Due to the jaw structure and color of the bones they were able to determine that. And due to some treaty or pact, they actually have to put the bones back where they found them. And not only that, but have to build and work around them. Call me crazy, but if that was my home, I don't know how cool I'd be with knowing my bedroom was built over some 200 year old guy's bones. And the craziest thing, is that all this happened in Long Beach. Its so hard to imagine that 200 years ago an Indian reservation with Chiefs like "Black Fox", medicine men, rain dances and herbal potions would later be the future home of Snoop Dogg, Dr. Dre, booty shakin' and "Gin and Juice"... But hey, that's life! 

So, now my brother has a new calling. Other than being father, brother, prison warden, postman, and plumber.. he can also add archeologist to his belt. And me? Well, I'm just back slinging food and drinks for money. Who wouldn't want to be me?? :)